Dear Diary
by pozicat
Summary: The diary of Professor Sinistra who runs into a number of complications throughout another year at Hogwarts. [SnapeSinistra] [Uncompleted]
1. The beginning of a new year

This is actually a story I wrote some time ago. I have read a story by She's a star (_Lamentations of a Starry Eyed Twit_) and it was from her I got the idea. It's not a secual or anything like that. It's my own story with my own ideas. The only thing she inspired me with was the diary-form writing. (Perhaps I stole the thing about Snape having Shakespear's whole work, but that's about it). I've been writing Snape/Sinistra stories for a while now. Anyway, hope you enjoy.

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Chapter 1

**Aug****ust 20th **

_The arrival_

_Saturday:_

The summer vacation is over, and so the school begins once again. It's god to be back. It may sound funny, but I've missed the astronomy tower. It's kind of sad, really, especially if you think about what I've been doing all summer. Nothing! Pathetic. Well, there was this night (July 5th to be accurate) when I meet this wonderful guy named Garry. If it only hadn't turned out he was gay and had a boyfriend.

Then it was the day Melinda came to see me. She told me about her handsome husband and how good he was with everything.

"_He is sooo wonderful. He's an amazing chef, he is so romantic and in the bed... Oh, he's a tiger, tjihi..."_

Slut!

Anyways, I've been doing a lot of thinking. About you-know-who (not he-who-must-not-bee-mentioned, but you know, you-know-who). We haven't spoken all summer (which actually would be rather weird if we had), but I have seen him. A couple of times. Order meetings. I'm not as important to the order as he is, but still, I'm there once or twice. In the meetings that is. I wonder if he has been thinking about me. I bet he has...

**August 21st**

_Staff meeting_

_Sunday:_

Today we were called in for the first staff meeting this year. I sat in between Sibyl (who foretold I was going to die within the year and that I was going to find my long lost love very soon) and Minerva (who was quite tan). Dumbledore started as usual by introducing the new _Defence Against Dark Arts_ teacher. (I forgot to tell you, _he_ was there too. You-know-who. Right next to Dumbledore.)

The new teachers name was Celestine Norctem. Or so I think. I wasn't really paying attention. I was... cough busy with someone... I mean, something else. And it had absolutely nothing to do with _him_. Because he is still a bastard, and I don't like him.

So, the new teacher was woman. And a very beautiful one too. Long red hair, green eyes and a cute smile with bright shining white teeth. Well, she wasn't all that beautiful I think. She was very well-spoken. Former Slytherin. And she was very kind and loving. (I wonder why she was a Slytherin and not a Ravenclaw.) The other teachers loved her. Even _he_ did. Well, at least that was the way it seemed. He didn't come with sarcastic comments like usual. Still, he didn't smile or anything. I bet he doesn't like her, after all. Who does he like? Except me... I'm not completely sure, but I think he likes me, he just wont admit it. One thing is certain, I don't like him. Who can like a snarky old git who can play the piano and the entire work of Shakespeare? Well not me, that's for sure. He is a bastard. He's an old bat that loves to punish people. I should know, cause I've seen the faces to the first years after their first potion lesson.

**August 22nd**

_First lesson_

_Monday:_

The first years this year was very cute. Even the Slytherins. There was this one girl, Moesha MacMillon, who answered all my questions correctly. A Ravenclaw. She was adorable. I see a lot of myself in her. She will go far in this life.

I decided to go to breakfast this morning. A woman has got to eat you know. And I sat at my ordinary seat next to Severus. But it had nothing to do with that snake. And the new teacher, Celestine, was sitting on his other side. Not that Severus seemed to care. Not that I care what he thinks or anything.

We didn't talk at all during the breakfast. I was talking to Filius who had much to tell me about his summer vacation. It was rather interesting to hear about his discovering in Egypt. Did you know that in the afterlife, the old Egyptians wanted to attain was thought of as a bigger and better version of the earthly Egypt? Severus was talking to Celestine about some dark art things. I think Severus knows more about the dark art that Celestine, but Albus won't let him have the job. He applies for it every year you know.

**August 24th**

_Snowflake formal_

_Wednesday:_

December 11th there will be arranged a prom called the _Snowflake formal_. Victoria's idea. Albus thought it was a wonderful idea. A break from all the exams. I like it too. I love the romance. Flowers in white and red and candle lights. If only there was a handsome and kind male teacher at this school. Cause we don't have one you know. Filius is very kind, but he's a dwarf. And Albus is too old. And not to mention Severus! There is nothing kind about him. Not that his is handsome or anything. Cause he's not. There is nothing attractive about him! And the new DADA teacher is a woman. I really need a boyfriend. I did have one for not so long ago. Okay, so it was five years ago, but still. He was so perfect. Handsome, kind and generous. I can't remember why it didn't work out. It might have something to do with me always talking about what a bastard Snape was. No I don't think so.

**August 27th **

_Gilderoy Lockhart posters_

_Saturday:_

I wish Dumbledore could hire a new handsome teacher. The posters of Gilderoy Lockhart I had hanging in my office isn't as much of a comfort anymore. I decided to take them down after Severus came to visit me last night.

"_Rather pathetic isn't it? Having posters of a mad man in you office?"_.

So, fearless as I am, I answered:

"_Its a much better decoration that jars full of dead animals, don't you think?"._

Of course Severus didn't agree. We never agree on anything. Except that Sibyl is completely mad perhaps. Long lost love... Next she will be telling me Severus is the love I was looking for. And that is very unlikely. Cause he's a bastard, and I don't like bastards. Besides, he is nothing like Gilderoy, my prince charming. He is wonderful (Gilderoy, not Snape). Don't you think? What am I doing? Of course you don't think. You're just a notebook. This is hopeless.

**September 1st**

_Three broomsticks_

_Thursday:_

The first Hogmeade weekend is over. Albus thought it would be a good idea if Severus escorted me to the _Tree Broomsticks_. Both Severus and I objected, but for no good. He is powerful man, that Dumbledore.

We didn't speak much. I think he's still angry about the little accidence we had last year (I sort of walked in on him while he was... Eh... Still in his boxer shorts. It was very early. They were black, by the way. The boxer shorts. Not that I starred at them or anything. I barely even noticed. I have no interest of knowing what kind of boxer shorts he wears. He is a lot skinnier that I had though. Not that I was looking at his body. Because I wasn't. Well, only for a few seconds). It was a long walk in silence. I tried to make contact, but he refused to answer me. I was only trying to be nice, and do you know what he said to me?

"_Do you ever shut up, you bloody pathetic little four-eyes?"_

Bastard!

"_You know, Severus, I have apologized for not knocking on your door a long time ago. It's in the past, why don't you just forget it?"_

"_Shut up"_, he just sneered at me and continued to walk.

Its just an act. I know he still loves me. Not that I want him to. What am I doing? I don't have to explain myself to a notebook.

It went fine, for a while. After we had seated ourselves (which took an eternity since Snape insisted on leaving. His job was to escort me and had for filled it.), we started talking. It was quite nice in the beginning.

"_I'm so thirsty. Aren't you, Severus?"_

"_No"_

"_Aren't you going to order something to drink?"_

"_No"_

"_How about if I pay for it?"_

"_Goddamnit woman, I said NO!"_

"_Fine, suit yourself."_

"_Thank you." _

I was only trying to be nice. Some people just don't appreciate hospitality. Like bastards. I should have known. Blood-sucking bat.

"_What do you think about Celestine Norctem?"_

Silence

"_Severus?"_

"_What now?"_

"_What do you think about the new teacher? Celestine Norctem?"_

"_She's better than the ones we've had the last few years."_

"_Better than Lockhart?"_

"_Yes, professor Sinistra, better than Lockhart."_

"_Severus, I've told you a million times. Just call me Quintessa."_

"_And I've told you a million times that I prefer to call you professor Sinistra."_

"_Stubborn old bat" _

"_At least it's better than an old wench that acts like a foolish teenager."_

"_I don't act like a foolish teenager!"_

"_Oh no? Do you not have posters of Gilderoy Lockhart hanging in you office? Do you not have all the books he has ever written? And do you not kiss the note with his autograph on every night before you go to sleep?"_

"_For your information, I don't have posters of him hanging in my office anymore. And at least I have an idol that is alive. Shakespeare died a long time ago you know!" _(What am I saying? I love Shakespeare!)

"_Shakespeare is a respected writer. And he is much greater than Gilderoy Lockhart will ever be. He might be dead, but his career, unlike others is not based on the way he looks."_

(Well he's a lot better looking that _you_ will ever be! Not that he is good-looking. Severus, not Gilderoy.)

"_Good day, professor" _I said and left. It wasn't until later I discovered I had walked out there without paying. Severus got stuck with the bill. It didn't actually help on your relationship. Not that we have one! Because we don't. I'd rather have a love-affair with Moody. Not that I and Severus have a love-affair. And perhaps not with Moody... Urgh... Never mind, you know what I mean.

**September 4th**

_Macbeth_

_Sunday:_

A play? How delighted. And not any play, but "Macbeth". It is to be preformed on the night of the snowflake formal for the students. And I have already been given a character. One of the three witches. How exciting. Victoria and Sibyl are also witches. Everybody got a part. Even Severus. You can imagine what part he will be playing. Macbeth! He didn't want to. Hmm... He said it like something like this:

"_I've got more important things to do than being a part of a play."_

"_But Severus, I would be delighted if joined us. You do, after all, know more about Shakespeare than anybody else in this room." _(Albus)

"_Sneer" _(Severus, how original of you!)

We will be practicing every Sunday until the snowflake formal. Sir Nicholas is the instructor. He was almost touched to tears when Albus told him. (Which is completely impossible, since he can't cry. He is after all a ghost). Celestine is playing the role as Lady Macbeth. Snapes wife. Interesting... I'm glad I didn't get that part! Hagrid is playing Duncan, the king of Scotland, and Argus (our beloved, yeah right, caretaker) plays Banquo, Macbeths close friend. Last but not least, Albus plays the old man (who is an important character to the theme that Macbeth is an example of royalist propaganda).

**September 5th**

_Kiss_

_Monday:_

I've read through the manuscript. Celestine and Severus (or Macbeth and his wife) has a kissing scene. It surprises me that Severus didn't object to it when he knew what part he was going to play. After all, he has read every piece Shakespeare has ever written. And Macbeth is not exception. Maybe he has forgotten about it. Even I forget things now and then. Its not like he wants to kiss her... Is it? Of course not! She's a young, beautiful, red-headed woman with an amazing white smile and burns for _defence against dark art_ subjects... Heh... When I think about it, I guess that says it all.

But why didn't she object? I mean, I would never in my life kiss that snake! I'd rather kiss Argus. Come to think about it, I have kissed both of them, and I rather kiss that mean bastard than Argus again. It has only happened once. Someone had put alcohol in my drink on the Yule ball, and I might have taken just a little too much. It was disgusting. (Argus, not Snape). Not that Snape wasn't disgusting either. Yuck...

**September 8th**

_Confrontation of the seductress_

_Thursday:_

She didn't know. But she does now! I told her. She was quite surprised. Let's see, it went something like this:

"_Celestine, could I borrow you for a moment? It's about the play."_

"_Sure, Quintessa"_

"_I read through the manuscript some nights ago, and I wondered if you have done the same?"_

"_Unfortunately I have not had the pleasure to read through the script yet."_

"_You see, there is a scene when your character and Macbeth himself get intimate, and I thought I'd just let you know before you accept the role you have been given. If you want we could shift?"_

"_Intimate in what way?"_

"_Well, kissing and that sort of things."_

"_Oh, I don't mind. It's only a play after all. But thank you for being so considerate. It's very kind of you, Quintessa."_

"_You do understand that it means you have to kiss Severus?"_

"_Yes"_

"_I've done it before; it wouldn't be a problem for me to do it again. When the damage is already done…Well you know what I mean."_

"_Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know you two had a relationship."_

"_Relationship? Me and Severus? No, no, no! There is nothing between the two of us, except cruel comments and insults."_

"_Then why do you want the part?"_

"_I don't want it. God no! I'm only thinking of your situation as the new teacher. Kissing one of the other teachers already... Albus is asking very much of you."_

"_I think I can handle Severus. But thanks again for your concern."_

"_Are you sure? Well, okay then. You're welcome."_

It seems to me as she wants to kiss him. Who would want to kiss that... that... bloodsucking-bat? Well, she _is_ new, and apparently she doesn't know what he's like. And when she finds out, Ill be there waiting to step in.

I wonder if she fancies him... What am I saying? Celestine fancies Severus? Not very likely... Just as unlikely as myself liking him! Which is unthinkable... Okay, maybe unthinkable isn't quite the word. I know I'm very desperate to get a boyfriend, but never will I try to seduce Snape!

**September 9th**

_None_

_Friday:_

Bastard!

**September 11th**

_An actor within_

_Sunday:_

Practice day. It was very fun. It amazed me how good Severus is at acting. It was so natural for him. He has read the script, but unlike everybody else, he doesn't need it to read his lines. He already knows them. I really didn't think he was such a great fan of Shakespeare. To know the whole play by heart, well you've got to respect that. It's really annoying when he gets like that. When he does things that makes me respect him. I don't want to respect a bastard! But, I do...


	2. Love, hate and mad admireres

**Chapter 2**

**September 13****th**

_No gentleman_

_Tuesday:_

I was attacked today! In the teachers lounge. By a mouse. Severus stood starring at me when I jumped onto the chair and screamed. Can you believe it? He just stood there starring at with raised eyebrows. What a gentleman! Didn't he see I was a woman in need of his help? And you know what he said?

_"I hope you never become a care for magical creature's teacher"_

_"I happen to be afraid of small, disgusting rodents. Anyway, some gentleman you are. Didn't you know that it's your job to swoop in and save me from the beast?"_

_"Beast? It was a cute little mouse. You are very easily scared, professor."_

_"I've had previous issues with whether your definition of 'cute' is exactly on, Professor Snape,"_

_"I admit I don't find mice very cute, but most people do. But then again, you aren't most people"._

_"No, I'm not,"_

Cute? Those small and stinky rodents? Carrying aids and all sorts of diseases. Or is that rats? Rats, mice, who cares? They are both just as disgusting. Yuck…

**September 17****th**

_Below average_

_Saturday:_

I had an argue with Severus out by the lake only a few hours ago. I don't know how we got into it but I think he really got pissed.

_"No, you aren't exactly Prince Charming, are you? A knight whose armour doesn't shine, perhaps? Or perhaps you're nature's way of letting the average man know he could be worse off."_

_"Oh, so I'm below then. Below average. So that's how you feel about me. So I'm below Flitwick and Hagrid? And you would rather prefer a troll than me, I'm sure. I'm at the very bottom, just a notch over the Dark Lord, or am I below him too?"_

_"YES. I imagine, that He Who Must Not Be Named has never shouted at me in public. Nor have Professors Flitwick and Hagrid, both of whom are positively -charming-. Filius Flitwick taught both of us all through our years at Hogwarts, and has been as faithful a friend since as he was an excellent Head of House. That demands respect, and I won't have you insulting him to me."_

_"I can live with being below any man you might think of, but I can stand being around you for another minute."_

He clearly overreacted. He doesn't mean it. He loves me. I must admit, it is quite charming to know that someone loves you, even though you hate the person. Dislikes… Hate is such a strong word. I have to admit I don't totally _hate_ him.

**September 20****th**

_She's a wench_

_Tuesday:_

Sundays practise went fine. Severus made a spectaculars performance as usual. Celestine turned out to be quite the actor, she too (though she tripped and fell down from the _stage _as we like to call it. It's actually just a table very wide table). The kissing scene is next Sunday. Sir Nicholas though it might take a while so only Severus and Celestine was asked to come. I asked if I could come to. I would like to see the whole play before we perform if before the crowd. Severus would rather not have me there, but Nick said it was fine. Celestine didn't object as either.

That night at supper, Severus totally ignored me. He was busy talking to Celestine. She seems quite interested in him. Always smiling and nodding her head. They agree on almost everything. It's really getting annoying. I think she is trying to steal Severus away from me. She is! I'm sure of it. Why else does she always hang around him and talk to him? She doesn't want him for herself, but she just doesn't want me to have him. But you can't take him away from me! I'll show that wench...

**September 23****rd**

_A cunning Slytherin_

_Friday:_

Celestine smiled to me at breakfast. I only sent her a false smile back. Wenche! I do understand now why she was a Slytherin. She's a boyfriend stealer. Typical Slytherins. They just got to be best at everything, don't they? She has been bragging about all of her hidden talents. I, unlike others, am not fooled by her _kind_ appearance. I see her as the cunning person she is. She might be a little younger and more beautiful, but I have more experience and intelligence.

**September 25****th**

_Kissing scene_

_Sunday:_

There were only me, Nick, Sev and Celie at the rehearsal today. Sev and Celest were going to practice on their kissing scene. Of course Celestine didn't mind the part she got, she's stealing Severus away from me. I don't like when stranger walks in on my territory. I don't like him kissing her. And they didn't only do it once, oh no, at least ten times. It was only a small kiss, and, thank god, without tongue, but still... I don't know why I even care. I don't like Severus. But he likes me, and not her. And she's trying to change that. That's why. I like being liked. Nor she or anyone else is going to change that.

It was horrible to watch. She kept smiling and enjoying herself. Cunning wench. And she doesn't think I know. But I do. So HA! Severus was professional as always. Did as he was told and acted like a prince. You know, he can be very romantic and sexy when he wants to. What am I saying? Severus Snape sexy? Okay, so he is. But only when he acts...

**September 30****th**

_Jealous_

_Friday:_

They did it again! Behind my back! WENCH! Argh.. Celestine had asked Severus to meet her in the teachers lounge. She apparently wanted to work a little more on the kissing scene. Thankfully, Severus said I thought they should wait until next rehearsal. As I have said before, professional. But Celestine didn't stop. So Severus agreed and they kissed one more time. I just happened to walk in on them (I know what you're wondering, and the answer is no, I wasn't following them). Celestine kept smiling like she always does. Severus ignored me and left before I had the chance to speak to him. But I ran after him.

_"Do you enjoy kissing her?"_

Silence

_"One might think you did if for fun, and not because of the play."_

Severus turned around and starred at me.

_"Is there something you would like to say to me, __Quintessa. One might think you were jealous.__"_

_"Me? Jealous on Celestine? Don't be ridicules."_

_"Then why do you follow me around everywhere I go?"_

_"I'm not following you. You're very conceited."_

_"And you are very annoying."_

Silence

_"You prefer her to me, don't you? You have since she got here."  
"Don't get all mushy with me. Does it concern you who I prefer? I think not. I demand to know the reason why you are acting like a jealous teenager. I always though of you as a woman with class. You are a really starting to question that interpretation."_

_"Because she's wretched! I'm not the best looking! I'm not the cleverest! I'm not the most polite! But I'm not a bloody devotion to justice either and I won't have that nonsensical woman waltzing in on my territory!!!_

_"Your territory? What's that suppose to mean?"_

"_You-you-you-you... You know what I mean. She has no right to try to impress you, to try to win you over. She's all wrong for you."_

_"So I am your territory, am I? You don't want me, but you don't want anyone else to have me either. And when did you become an expert on what I need and not need?"_

_"Preposterous. I think no such thing of myself."_

_"I don't really care what you do with professor Norctem, but I am telling you; I refuse to be a part of it any longer. And I will do with her whatever I'd like without you interrupting. And the other way around, of course. I will do with you whatever I'd like without her interrupting"_

_"I agree to your conditions, I suppose, although I refuse to guarantee my liking them. Not that you care. You may do as you wish with me, and with her. You would anyway. And I will be your...territory. If you insist."_

_"Good" _(Snape)

"_Good"_ (Sinistra)

Jealous? Me? Of her? Don't be silly. There is nothing of hers I want. Not her beautiful looks, her charming personality or her hidden talents. And definitely not her special connection with Severus. He's a bastard and she's a wench. They suit each other very nicely. I'm off to bed before I change my mind. Good night!

Oh my god, I'm wishing my note-book a good night. I'm going insane (again).

**October 1****st**

_In love_

_Saturday:_

I have changed my mind. Goddamnit… I can't stop thinking about it. About her. About him. I think he's right. I think I'm jealous. But I won't admit it. I won't admit I'm in love with him. Over my dead body!

**October 2****nd**

_None_

_Sunday:_

Still thinking about it.

**October 5****th**

_Poisoned drink_

_Wednesday:_

I figured it out! I've been drugged! Severus is after all the potions master. He could have figured out a way to poison my drink without me noticing.

When I think it over, it does sound ridicules. Unless if he wants me to get jealous. I'd only that was true, I would have to be interested in him. Which I'm not. You know, once a bastard, always a bastard. And I'm certainly not falling for a bastard. I simply wouldn't allow myself to. Bastards mix with wenches like Celestine.

For some reason I don't want him to mix with Celestine. So I guess he's not a complete bastard, just almost.

There I go again…

**October 9****th**

_Inflammatory_

_Sunday:_

Celestine didn't appear on tonight's practice. Poppy said she was quite ill. Some of her Slytherin students _accidentally_ dropped a small drop of potion in her drink. How unfortunate… (Hurray!!) Albus suggested me as a step in for Celestine. It was weird acting against Severus. Since I played the role as his wife, he had to touch me a lot. Unlike before, his hands were warm and welcoming me. I never knew he could be so sensitive and sexual. It was… inflammatory! In a non sexual way of course…

**October 10****th**

_None_

_Monday:_

I think I'm falling in love…

**October 13****th**

_Date_

_Thursday:_

I wonder what I'm going to wear at the snowflake formal. Oh, this is so unlike me. I never wonder about these things. It's only clothes. But I want to look good. No, not good… Beautiful! I hate this. Why me?

Severus usually patrols on these occasions. He's not much of the dancing type. I bet he won't ask me to be his date for the prom. Why would he when he has got Miss Perfect?

**October 16****th**

_Special connection_

_Sunday:_

Today's rehearsal went as expected. Celestine was back, and Severus touched her like he had done with me. I really thought there were something special between me and him, but he acts the same way with her as he does with me. I haven't told him what I feel yet, and I'm not planning to do so in the nearest future either. I'm beginning to think he doesn't like me after all. He's acting like a complete asshole around me, and it seems as he had become best friends with Celest. It might be just an act, but you never know with Snape. I've never met anyone like him. No one could make me so angry. Still, I long for his vicinity. Not one day goes by when I don't think about him. Usually it's angry thoughts, but it's about him none the less. His mysterious personality makes me exited, and he's always full of surprises. The cold conduct he wears is only a shield for his soft feelings inside. He longs for someone to hold at night, sitting by the fireplace, drinking warm cocoa and coddling. I want to be that someone. Severus, I'm right here! Open your eyes and see me. It's written in the stars. I know I have disregarded the truth, but I'm willing to for fill our faith now. I'm ready for you…

That came out wrong! It was meant in a non sexual way! Not misunderstand. It's not that I don't want to; it's just that it wasn't meant that way… Oh forget it!

**November 2****nd**

_St. Mungo's hospital_

_Wednesday:_

He did it, that bastard! I'm gonna… gonna… Argh!!! Calm down Quintessa… Breathe…

Now, you're probably wondering why I haven't written for a while. And I'll tell you! It's because of that selfish rotten scumbag! If he hadn't barged into my room while I was getting dressed, I wouldn't have fallen into my closet and ended up at St. Mungo's hospital with a twisted ankle. Poppy said it would be for the best if I spent the night there instead of at the hospital wing. It turned out it was more than just a twisted ankle. I got home first today. And my notebook wasn't lying on the desk where I left it. It was lying on the bed. Someone has moved it. And I know who. Severus Snape! He has read it! That… oh… That means he have read… OH MY GOD! He knows! Just kill me now…

**November 3****rd**

_Flung the house-elf_

_Thursday:_

I haven't left my room yet. I don't dare. Thank god Moody sent me that confectionary candy last night. I have a feeling Severus had something to do with that…

The house elf who used to clean my room, doesn't clean my room anymore. Now, some grumpy house-elf named Flung cleans it. I actually caught him sniffing my underwear today. I don't think he will be cleaning my room anymore after the show I put on when I caught him. McGonagall barged into the room with an anxious face expression. This gives me another reason not to leave my room for a while. Going to sleep now, but I don't expect to get much sleep. Can't stop thinking about what will happen when I meet Severus again. Good night!

**November 4****th**

_None_

_Friday:_

I have to go down one time or another. Sunday is only two days away. Macbeth rehearsal. I can't avoid it any longer. I'm going down… Right now! Anytime now… You know what? I think I'll wait until the morning. Yes, I'll go down for breakfast. What a splendid idea!

**November 5****th**

_A mad admirer_

_Saturday:_

I did it! I went down for breakfast. And I sat right next to him. We didn't speak. He didn't even speak to Celestine. I wonder what goes on in his mind. He is probably thinking out a way to totally humiliate me in front of the staff on Sunday. It is so typically him. I seems as he hasn't told anyone. Everyone acted normally, except Minerva who suggested I should take the day off and get some rest. When I got back to the astronomy tower, a bunch of flower waited for me with a little note with poem on.

_Roses are red,_

_Violets are blue._

_These flowers are beautiful,_

_And so are you._

How original. Care to guess who it was from? Of course you don't. But I'll tell you anyway. It was from Alastor Moody. I never really thought Alastor was the romantic type. And I am desperate for a boyfriend. Maybe he won't be that bad. If I only didn't feel like he was undressing me every time I meet him with that magical eye of his. This is impossible. I'm going to bed. Wish me good luck for tomorrow…


	3. Double dating with a boyfriend stealer

**Chapter 3**

**November 6th**

_None_

_Sunday:_

Well, the rehearsal went fine considering the fact that we can hardly stand each others faces. It was as expected, but he is still such a bastard. It started out just fine. We began rehearsing, but then there was a scene where Macbeth met the three witches. Severus kept complaining about my acting, saying things like "I can work with this. Maybe we should rewrite the play, cutting out the last witch? Her role is not that important anyway." Of course he meant me that... That... Urg... At least he didn't compliment Celestine about her acting, though he didn't complain about it either.

**November 9th**

_Dressing like a carrot_

_Wednesday:_

The snowflake formal is closing and I still don't know what to wear. My dresses are either too small, short, wrongly colored or completely out of fashion. Not that I can recall dark orange colored flowery patterned dresses formed like an up-side-down carrot ever being on fashion! I think I might go shopping next Saturday; I don't want people to think I'm a part of the main course.

**November 13th**

_The new look_

_Sunday:_

Rehearsal is still going fine. I haven't argued with Severus for a long time now. Well, not since last Sunday which happens to be the last time we spoke. He keeps glaring at me during the meals occasionally though. It's not the usual degrading look, but a new one I haven't seen before. To tell you the truth, it's beginning to freak me out!

**November 15th**

_An innocent bastard_

_Tuesday:_

I'm beginning to think he never read my diary. We spoke again you see, and it ended like it always does. He called me a short minded four-eyed twit who was incapable of understanding the deeper meaning of acting, which was followed by me calling him a foul bloodsucking bat incapable of showing affection.

**November 17th**

_Blind love_

_Thursday:_

Alastor keeps sending me all sorts of romantic sweets such as chocolate, flowers, candy, jewelry and cute teddy bears saying I love you. Kind of scary really. I've agreed on meeting him in the Diagon Alley this Saturday before shopping. I must admit I regret our agreement, but it's not like he's going to go shopping with me or anything.

**November 19th**

_Double dating_

_Saturday:_

I'm exhausted! It was most certainly the worst date in my entire life! Perhaps not the very worst, there was this time in my first year at Hogwarts with Mulgan Moore, and the third year with Duncan Detrioy, fourth year with Daniel Graham and sixth year with Duncan again, but it was pretty bad! After my school days I didn't really date mush. At all. Um.. So much to do...

Back to the point! I met Alastor at the leaky cauldron. I greeted him friendly with a handshake like a lady should, but he drew me closer and wrapped his arms around me, giving me a huge bear hug. He was much stronger then I had expected. When he was finished, after what seemed like an eternity, it actually felt like my shoulder was dislocated. I'm sure my glasses would have broken if I hadn't laid them on the table before greeting him.

As we talked...Well I did the most of the talking, he just sat and starred at me, his magical eye rolling around in his head. I still feel like his undressing me with his eye, picturing my underwear which I most certainly hope he is not capable of! I was wearing panties my mum gave to me last Christmas. They happen to be yellow brownish, with coffee stains and a few small holes. Not every man's dream to say the least, but the only thing I had left. Laundry day! It's not that I'm trying to impress him or anything, or a normal set off underwear would have been nice when companied by someone who can take off your clothes just by looking at you..

The conversation itself wasn't too bad. We talked.. Correction: _I_ talked for an hour or so about me, myself and I. When I started I just couldn't seem to stop. I was like my mouth was a waterfall and words kept pushing themselves over the edge of my lips trying to escape from the horrors lurking inside of me. Who can blame them? When the clock turned twelve, I was about to leave, but guess what happened?

_"It's been nice talking to you Alastor but I really should get going, lots to buy."_

_"Already? It's just twelve pm. The sun has just awakened."_

_"Oh but the Yule ball is closing so fast and I haven't got anything to wear."_

And then, guess who just walked right in the door? Oh you know it! Severus and that little... Rat! Yes, rat! Because I don't like small hairy rodents like her. Anyway, they walked in holding each others arms. You know, like a lady and gentleman. I was disgusted by the sight of course and did the dumbest thing I could. I grabbed Alastor's arms just before they came our way. Can you believe it? I grabbed his arm as if we were a couple. Me and Alastor. Now that's the couple of the year! I'm sure we would have been awarded a prize for the most unlikely couple of the century. Unfortunately, they saw us.

_"Professor Sinistra!" _Of course that little rat had to shout at me to make sure I saw she was with Severus! Bastard! Coming to a public place with her.

_"Oh hello! My name is Celestine Norctem, I'm the new defense Against Dark Arts teacher at Hogwarts"_ Rub it in his face, Celest! Oh my god, I've given her a nickname! Thankfully Alastor didn't seem much interested. He was most interested in me. Most likely because I just grabbed his arm like that.. He greeted Severus of course, they know each other after all, it was only last year he was a teacher at Hogwarts himself.

_"Mind if Severus and myself join you?"_

_"Well actually, I and Alastor here was just on our way out. How unfortunately."_

_"Oh.. Well perhaps another time then Quinny." _Quinny?!? Oh my god! OH MY GOD! She calls me Quinny? QUINNY? When did we become best friends? She's unbelievable! I'm not going to be fooled by some twenty-nine year old boyfriend stealer, oh no she can't fool me! I'm much more mature then that. I'm.. Um..

_"Perhaps another time, yes."_

So finally Severus decided to join the conversation unlike a certain someone who's finally finished looking surprised and has shifter to proud.

_"Then this table is not taken I presume."_

_"Be my guest!"_

I moved over to the side, gathering my things, so they could seat themselves right where we had just a moment ago.

_"Severus. Celestine."_ I nodded as I said goodbye, but without a smile.

Can you believe it? It was a complete disaster!

1. Severus and Celestine was together, walking arm in arm like some old couple!

2. I pretended to be Alastor's partner which is perhaps the last man in the universe I would ever fall in love with.

3. Celestine has given me a nickname! I gave her one to, but I shall never repeat it! NEVER! You can torture me for as long as you shall wish but my mouth shall be sealed. I wish I felt the same about chocolate...

I'm off to bed before I get to depressed. Oh wait, it's already too late.

**November 20th**

_Literally swept off his feat_

_Sunday:_

When I said I was going to sweep Severus off he feet I didn't mean literally sweep him off the ground, but it seems like my body didn't quite understand that. You see, at rehearsal we practiced a scene where... Well nothing special happened, except the fact that I kind off pulled the rug under Severus' feet while he was standing on it. You can image the horror in my eyes as I witnessed Severus loosing the ground underneath his feet, hovering in the air for a moment before crashing to the ground, landing on his back. He was furious of course when he found out it was me. He said a few words I didn't understand with a snaring sound before leaving the room with little Miss Perfect running after as if she was his girlfriend. I think it was Latin. The words were truly beautiful, although one wouldn't have to be a genius to figure out what they meant. It was probably not his normal nicknames such as twit, but most likely something he wouldn't have said in English.

**November 21st**

_None_

_Monday:_

The snowflake formal is still closing and I still haven't got a dress. I wasn't quite in the shopping mood after running into Severus and the thing in his arms. Hopefully I'll get the chance to shop again this Saturday unless something comes up. If I'm really unlucky, which I most often am, I'll end up going in the carrot dress!

**November 23rd**

_From one woman to another_

_Wednesday:_

For some reason I ended up speaking to Celestine last night. I didn't say much, just listened. She talked a lot about Severus. Professionally of course, except from a few things (her own words:_ "from one woman to another"_). Although I'm not very interested in her, I did enjoy her professional opinion of our dear colleague. If she told me the truth, which I doubt, she has no feeling for him, but thinks he is a fascinating creature (my words, not hers). He is certainly one of a kind. I shall tell you more about it tomorrow; I have to get some sleep now. There's just one more thing! Celestine told me she was so glad she and I had become such good friends and asked me am I wanted to do something with her this Saturday. I told her I was going shopping, not just to get away from her but it was the truth! Of course she suggested she should come along. She needed a dress for the ball too. I can picture it now, me and her, side by side in the store with each our dress on. She with a long red silk dress to match her slim and tall body, with a large neck opening and a split that goes all the way up to her thigh, giving away her long tan legs. And next to her I stand in a dark purple dress, two numbers too large with dark green blondes that completely don't match with the rest of the dress and a green ribbon in my dark brown fuzzy hair (which most likely stands in every possible direction). It's a nightmare. I used to actually manage to be one of the classiest ladies at the Yule balls, but she's going to ruin it all this year with her perfect body! God I hate that woman. She's just so... Perfect! Too perfect for my taste!

**November 25th**

_None_

_Saturday:_

I'm going shopping with Celestine today. I have to admit I'm not looking forward to it. A whole hour or more with _her_. 1 hour; 60 minutes; 3600 seconds or perhaps even more. How am I going to survive? When I come home I'm going to lie down on the bed and cry. If I don't kill myself that is, or her for that matter…

**November 25th**

_None_

_Saturday:_

I'm back from out little shopping spree. I survived, and unfortunately she did too. It. Was. Horrible! She kept blabbering about herself. What her interests were, how welcomed she felt at Hogwarts and about Severus of course. About how close they were. Apparently she could tell him anything and the other way around. He... I'm… She… Puh… Control yourself Quintessa. Take a deep breath. That's it. Keep breathing...

Where was I? Oh yes, they're like best friends, which I doubt. A man of class like Severus telling all his deepest secrets to that little wanna-be? I don't think so. Severus wouldn't tell his secrets to anyone. He's much smarter then that. Much! Anyway, she said some interesting things about him. Apparently he talks a lot about me. Not necessarily just nice things, but what can you expect from him? At least he talks about me. I knew it. He would never fall for someone like her. It's someone like me he wants. Not that I want him (or Alastor for that matter). By the way, Alastor keeps sending things. Only last night I received an owl from him where he told me about his whereabouts and how much he was looking forward to meeting me again. Apparently he thinks we're dating or something just because I grabbed his arm. What am I going to? Not only do I have a mad admirer on my back, but my enemy is socializing with my boyfriend. Did I say boyfriend? I meant the man that loves me, which I don't love back. I know I wrote that I was in love with him a while ago, but I was in one of those periods. PMS! You know… Well, actually you don't know, you're a book and therefore you don't have PMS. It hurts, your emotions goes wild and you simply loose you mind. Just for a week of course. It was the PMS talking through me. Writing through me. Oh, who am I kidding?


	4. A dramaqueen's greatest disaster

**December 4th**

_Time for myself_

_Monday:_

It's been a week since last time I wrote. Not much has happened; I just needed some time for myself. I still haven't got a dress for the ball 11th this month. I did go shopping with Celestine, but you can only image how it went. I wasn't quite in the trying-on-dresses mood. She tried on a couple though. They all suited perfectly for her body. Kind of ironic isn't it? She wants to be friends with me... Never going to happen! I'm telling you that. I say; I'm telling you that!

**December 5th**

_A new kind of hate_

_Tuesday:_

I think I might just become a man-hater or what they are called these days. Or perhaps a Celestine-hater. I wonder if there's something called that. I bet there are other Celestine-haters such as myself out there in the great blue-greenish (viewed from the outer space of course) world. I bet everyone named Celestine are all-knowing, charming, witty, beautiful beyond common sense and disliked by the rest of the women race! I think I just might start a... Um... What's it called again? The opposite or fan club. Whatever! I'll start a we-hate-all-those-who-are-named-Celestine club! Women only of course. Men aren't capable of seeing her/their real selves. See the manipulating, self-up stuck, control freak woman underneath that perfect body and behind those bright green eyes that are covered behind her flamey red hair... Oh my god. I'm more obsessed by this woman than Gilderoy! It sounds as if I'm in love with her... I'm feeling sick. I think I'm going to hurl...

**December 5th**

_A man's woman_

_Tuesday:_

Can't sleep. Keep thinking about Celestine. I'm not in love with her! I'm not a lesbian, not that there is anything wrong with them, I'm just not one of them! I'm a man's woman or whatever... You know what I mean. I like men like Alastor and Severus... Oh, bad examples. Like Gilderoy I mean! Gilderoy Lockhart. A good example if I may say so! Good example! He truly is.

**December 7th**

_Sexual predilection_

_Thursday:_

I'm beginning to doubt my sexual predilection. Today we had another staff meeting today. Unfortunately Severus was seated next to Celestine. She seemed quite happy about it that little wench! Anyway, the worst was that Celestine sat in a short dress and I kept starring at her long, tan legs as if I was turned on by it. Honestly, I can't remember a thing about the meeting. All I remember was those long, slim, shiny, golden tan legs. I'm loosing it! I know it. If there is a god, cure me from the curse! Make me in love with another woman, I don't care, just not her! Anyone! I'll even satisfy for Alastor over her! God, Buddha, Allah... Somebody!

**December 8th**

_None_

_Friday:_

Still thinking about her legs. Can't seem to get them of my mind. It's like they've eaten themselves into my mind, clinging on to my brain! It hurts! Not physical, but psychically!

**December 10th**

_Clothing crisis_

_Sunday:_

Oh, my god! This is a crisis! I've completely forgotten about the Snowflake formal! It's tomorrow!!! What am I going to do? The only dress I've got is the carrot dress. I don't want to be the carrot woman! I've already been that one time to many! Shudder. Perhaps I can ask Minerva if she has something I can borrow. No she's too colorless, and much too tall. But perhaps Sprout. On second though, I don't want to look like I'm wearing the curtain from the astronomy tower. Rumors has it she stole the curtains from the astronomy tower when she was a student at Hogwarts. It wouldn't surprise me if she had... Hooch has a, uhm, special way of dressing and I wouldn't even consider asking Trelawney. Poor crazy old Sybil, I'd rather dress like a carrot then have to talk with that overdramatic woman. I could always... No. Maybe I have time to shop before the ball starts tomorrow morning. Let's hope so...

**December 11****th**

_The god's jester_

_Monday:_

The day is finally here and I still haven't found a dress. "Madam Modana's Dresses" was closed of course, its fate! I'm doomed to be the carrot lady. Unless... No. Yes. No. Okay, what worst? Asking Celestine if I can borrow a dress or be remembered as the carrot lady for the rest of my life and making a complete fool out of myself in front of Celestine at the same time? Tough decision! The clock is already 6 pm, only 2 hours left...

I have to ask although I'd rather sink into the ground and never show my face at Hogwarts again. Maybe I should stick my head into the ground like the ostrich? It would be a sight for the gods. My head buried in the ground and the ass up in the air, facing the sky which I have spent years studying. Oh well, that's why we're on this planet isn't it? So the gods can have something to laugh at. I bet they laugh their heads of when they're watching us humans have sex. Imagine all the sounds and face expressions. I wonder what Severus looks like when he's having sex. Not that I want to know! Cause I defiantly don't!

Okay, I'm going to see Celestine right away to ask her if she has a two-size too big dress I can borrow. I don't even have to ask I already know the answer to that one. The gods wouldn't let her have one. What would be funny about that? I've always been the god's favorite involuntarily stand-up comedian.

**December 11th**

_Snowflake formal_

_Monday:_

Okay so she did just happened to have a two-size to big dress lying around, what are the chances of that? I know I should be very glad and thank the gods for helping me once in my miserable life, but I'm actually kind of irritated, and I think the gods helped me only to have more fun. You see, Celestine was glad she could borrow me a dress. I got the feeling she thinks we're best friends, which is the opposite of the truth! I'll deal with her later, now I have to focus on tonight.

I'm actually very pleased with the dress. It's long, hanging behind me as I walk, sweeping the floor. The color fits me perfectly, dark royal blue, goes great with my skin color. And I have a pair of blue shoes that fits perfectly. The dress actually makes me look skinny. And it doesn't show too much and not too little. Just perfect! Oh I hate how anything about Celestine and her things are perfect. Oh well, I'm finished putting my make-up on, fixing the hair and dressed. Wish me good luck tonight!

**December 15th**

_The greatest disaster_

_Friday:_

Hi! Um... I guess you're wondering why I haven't written for a while... (Of course you don't wonder why, you're a notebook! But you're missing the point her.) Since the 11th to be exactly. The Snowflake formal. The big night... I don't even know where to start... Let's see, it started something like this:

We met in the great hall. The wind was howling outside (have I forgotten to tell you it's begun snowing?) and the snow lay as a coat over the grounds. The great hall was decorated beautifully thanks to Filius, that little artist, with all the Christmas colors; Red, green, gold and white. Fake white crystal snow decorated the huge tree inside the hall together with all sort of Christmas decoration (snowmen, Santa Clauses, stars...). Dumbledore had enchanted the ceiling so it was the same as outside. Small crystals rained from the sky, vanishing in the air right above our heads.

Everyone looked so happy, except for one certain someone of course, who has never smiled as far as I know. Everyone seemed excited to swing across the dance floor in the arms of their biggest crush. I noticed Snape sitting in his place by the teachers table, dressed in black like always, his gloomy figure depressing to look at in the middle of all the joy. The big surprise was that he showed up at all. Oh well, he always had, but he spent the night patrolling the gardens, making it a living hell for the young couples trying to make out in the cold winter air, under the dark blue sky in the snowy surrounding. Romantic isn't it? What I'm going to tell you soon it quite the opposite.

I could tell you about Dumbedore's wonderful speech and how delicious the food tasted, but enough about that, lets get right to the point. Well, not _right_ to the point, but closer. The band "Magical night" began playing and the couples entered the dance floor, hand in hand. It was magical. Not literally, but metaphoric. Anyway...

After several hours with watching other dance, and dancing a bit myself with Dumbledore, I decided to go outside for a breath of fresh air. Unfortunately I met Severus. At first he was very short with me, but loosened up after a while. I convinced him (stupid me) to dance with me, just one dance. We entered the dance floor; arm in arm (hand in hand would have been too much for both of us I think, beside Severus is the perfect gentleman when he wants to). His pale face was still emotionless, but when isn't it? It was a slow dance. He held my hand gently, leading me around on the dance floor (hate to admit it, but he was an amazing dancer if I may say so). I would never have guessed. But then again he has anything ever written by Shakespeare and acts like a price, or whatever I should say. Would god have sounded better?

When the song ended he was quick to leave the dance floor. I staid with him even after the dance (again stupid me!!!) and we had a few drinks of the punch. Severus kept saying it tasted as if it had been added an ingredient which shouldn't be in it, but I didn't listen. For god sake Quintessa, he is after all the potion master isn't he? We kept drinking of course, not caring about the ingredient that had been added. One glass turned into five, and then (FINALLY) I (or him, can't remember) discovered it contained alcohol, which explains the sign _adults only_ that stood next to it and why Filch guarded it like a hawk. But it was already too late, both I and Severus was pretty drunk, and just kept drinking! The more Severus drank, the more he talked. Unfortunately I don't remember a thing of what he said. The last thing I remember before waking up this morning was me and Severus, stumbling around the corridors, holding around each other and singing old Backstreet Boys songs (muggle band I used to listen to when I was younger). I know what you're thinking. When I've finally reached the bottom, I fall even lower. This is going to hunt me for the rest of my life! And still, you haven't heard the worst! When I woke up this morning; I wasn't in my bedroom chamber. The room was dark, the only light was from a partly burned down candle light on the table. The room gave me the creeps, but I didn't think much about it, what was most important for me was to find out where I was. I had a horribly headache form the alcohol. I sat up in the bed, starring into the mirror on the wall to notice I was naked. And that was when I discovered it. There was someone in the bed behind me. And not just anyone; THE ONE! The only bloodsucking vampire bat at Hogwarts; Severus Snape! You can only imagine the shock I was in when I found out about it. I don't know if her was naked or not, but he wasn't wearing anything at his upper body and I wasn't staying to find out.

I haven't shown my face since the morning I ran half-naked through Hogwarts corridors, heading towards the astronomy tower, knocking down a few students on my way. I'm just worried about what happened. I can't remember undressing myself. Oh hell, I can't even remember how I ended up in his bedroom. Does he know? I can't ask him, but I need to know! I bet the whole school already knows. I've never in my life been so embarrassed of myself. OH MY GOD. What if we did it? Then I could be... PREGNANT!?!? Oh my freaking god! I, Quintessa Sinistra, might be baring the child of Severus Snape.

This is defiantly the worst thing that could ever have happened to me. I made a complete fool out of myself, I'm surely getting fired, I've lost Celestine's dress (or more left it in Severus' bed chamber, but I'm not going to get it), had sex with my "enemy" and might even be pregnant with his child. Does it get any better? Oh surely the gods have more things in store for me. Next Severus will be telling me he loves me and wants to keep the baby. But I won't have it. There is certainly enough with one Severus Snape in this world!

What am I going to do? What am I going to do?!? Maybe I should have sex with Alastor and claim it's his child I'm carrying? What am I saying? Wait, maybe I should visit Gilderoy at St. Mungo's and lure him into bed and claim him to be the father? Or maybe I'm just paranoid. I'm going to by a pregnancy test. The only problem is how I'm going to get out of the castle without anyone seeing me...

**December 16th**

_Mother of the Year_

_Saturday:_

I managed to get out without being seen, but I knew it would be impossible for me to escape twice. I was so lucky to run into Minerva on the way back to the astronomy tower after my little visit in Hogsmeade. She simply nodded as she rushed by, not bothering to even say hello. I nodded back, perhaps not the most welcoming greeting either. Now I'm safely up in my tower with the pregnancy test in my left hand and pen in right hand. The instructions say I have to pee a few drops on the end of this long up-down thing. If one spot appears I'm not pregnant, but if two spots appear... Well I guess you've already guessed what that means... Oh well, here I go, miss me luck!


	5. The outcome of a forgetful night

**December 17****th**

_Mother to be?_

_Sunday:_

I took the test last night! I was too frustrated to write… I'm still quite frustrated! Two dots! TWO!

…_If two spots should appear in the small window is means you have been fertilized. Congratulations!.._

You know what that means don't you? I'm pregnant! I'm doomed! Wait! The test isn't necessarily 100 correct, but two spots can't appear unless there is trace of sperm in your system. Conclusion: I'm not necessarily pregnant with his child, but I did make love to him. I made love to Severus Snape. He was inside my body! His naked body rubbing against mine! Oh my god, he has seen me naked!

OH MY GOD! It's Sunday! Macbeth rehearsal! We're going to evaluate the performance. Severus will be there... I can't go. I'll have to pretend I'm ill! Maybe I'll steal some of Severus' potion ingredients from his private store and drug myself. No I can't to that! I'd might bump into Severus. Maybe I'll throw myself down the stairs. If I'm lucky I'll break a leg. No I can't to that. I have to think about the baby… If there is one of course. What am I saying? I don't even want to keep the baby. It is amazing though, the feeling of having a living creature inside of you. A small child, growing and evolving! I'm sure I'm going to make a great mother.

Oh gosh, is that the time? Rehearsal begins in an hour... Oh wait, someone's at the door. Wait! What if it's Severus? I'll shout to see who it is first… Oh, it's just Albus…

**December 17****th**

_Macbeth and the three witches_

_Sunday:_

Well, I went to the rehearsal. Albus had already figured out I'd tried to pretend to be ill and came to get me himself. I tried to lure him, but Dumbledore wouldn't take no for an answer. We walked side by side down to the dungeons where the rehearsal was held. We were the last to arrive.

Celestine walked over to me the second I entered the room. She wore an innocent smile as usual, glaring at me with friendly eyes, but she doesn't fool me. I see her, not the person she pretends to be.

"_Quinny, how are you darling? I was begi__nning to fear you weren't showing up!"_ She's so full of it!

"_Celestine… I wasn't feeling very good. I didn't plan on going, but Dumbledore here came to fetch me personally."_

"_Oh, well I'm glad you decided to show up__."_

Severus acted like nothing had happened and didn't even glare at me for a second. He kept glaring Victoria. It really bugged me! She's my best friend, although I haven't had much time for her lately, and I'm baring his child! And he glares at her and not me? What is this cruelty? He's a bastard and I hate him! Hate him! Okay, dislike him! But he's still a bastard! Grr…

**December 18****th**

_My little giant_

_Monday:_

I had dinner in the great hall with the rest of the school today. Meatloaf. Very good actually considering the fact that I'm hardly eating any more. I didn't sit in my normal seat next to Severus, I changed places with Minerva. She was kind enough to accept my offer without any questions. So I sat next to Hagrid who constantly tried to create a conversation, but I wasn't in the talking mood. I listened to him though, he sounded very concerned for me but I assured him there was nothing the matter with me. Sweet little Hagrid. Perhaps not little, but sweet none the less.

Severus glared at me from the other side of the table. I could see it in the corner of my eye, plus Hagrid mentioned it. I didn't look at him. Why would I? His more interested in Victoria anyway. My best friend! I'm crushed. Destroyed… No day of tomorrow will warm me again. While I give birth to my firstborn child, my best friend will run away with the father. Why me? It's always me. Couldn't it have been someone else just this once? I hate my life…

Hagrid tried cheering me up with all these stories about his childhood. There was one story that kind of made me smile. Did you know that when Hagrid was six he could pick his father up and put him on the top of the drawer when they fought? Apparently his father was very small, even for a normal man. Not that Hagrid is abnormal! On second though he is abnormal. It's not necessarily a negative thing though… He's good hearted, I'll give him that, unlike certain people I know.

**December 20****th**

_A second try_

_Wednesday:_

For the last two days I haven't been outside my tower at all. The only time I see human beings is during my classes. Victoria came to see me the other day but I refused to let her in… What was it I called her again?

_Victoria Vector, I am truly disappointed in you! You're a selfish old hag who loves to run off with other person's personal belongings. You and your overgro__wn bat can take your affairs somewhere else. I never wish to see you again. Goodbye!_

I realize now I might have overreacted. Oh well, she deserved it.

I bought a new pregnancy test yesterday, well actually two just in case. I'm testing it now. If I'm really lucky, which I highly doubt, I'm not pregnant after all. These are promised to be 100 correct, but I'm not the trusting type so therefore I've got two and not only one. Here I go again, whish me luck again… Quintessa, you're talking to the notebook again!

That's that, now I'm waiting for the results… Only three minutes more. Oh, there's someone at the door again. I bet its Victoria. I'm going open it this time and shout it to her face so she'll see I'm not messing around! I'll show that twit!

**December 20****th**

_A father for my child_

_Wednesday:_

Um.. Well, it wasn't Victoria, I can tell you that. I opened the door, ready to scream, but to my surprise it wasn't Victoria who was standing outside my room. Oh no. And it wasn't Dumbledore either. Nor Hagrid, Minerva, Filius, Poppy, Sybill or any of my students… No, it had to be Severus of all people. If I had known I wouldn't have opened the door! First I though he'd come to talk to me about how I behaved earlier when Victoria knocked on the door, but no. He simply asked if he could come inside. What was I to do? Say no?

"_If you must"_ Good answer Quinny, I'm so proud of you (me)… Did I just refer to myself as Quinny? The nickname Celestine gave to me? Shudder. Will never happen again!

So he walked passed me into the room.

"_What's on your mind __professor Snape?"_

"_There's been nine days since last we spoke."_ He's counting the days?

"_Yes, so it seems. Is that a problem?"_

"_Quintessa.."_

"_Professor Sinistra."_ What are you doing Quintessa? He just called you by your first name for the first time in his life. Annoying how wonderful my name sounds when he says it. The depth of his masculine voice. What is coming over me? It sounds if I'm in love…

"_Professor, I think we need to talk about the Yule ball."_ He knows?

"_Why is that? There is nothing unsaid between the two of us."_

"_Is that so?"_ He picked up the pregnancy test and glared at it. I had completely forgotten about it. Again annoying. The results would show themselves by now, and he would be the first to know.

"_What is it?"_ HA! The great Severus Snape doesn't know what a pregnancy test is! Even I know what a pregnancy test is. Okay, that was very degrading said about myself.

"_That is none of your business. Give it to me!"_

"_I think not."_

"_I beg your pardon?__"_ That little… Bastard! No not little. Big! Huge! Gigantic! Super-duper-tremendous-giganticus! Puh…

"_I think I might hold o__n to this until you come to your senses."_

I jumped for it, but Severus made it disappear into thin air. I felt the anger bobble in my veins!

"_Where did it go? You bring it back!"_

"_I know what it looked like and I'll inform you when we're finished talking."_

"_You horrid creature! I wouldn't talk to you if you were the last person on earth."_

I turned my back on him, trying to control my anger. After a few minutes I decided that talking with him was perhaps for the best. When I turned around he was reading the pregnancy test instructions. I acted quickly, tearing it out if his hands . Well, half of it.

"_Pregnancy test?" _He kept glaring at me with a surprised face expression as if he had no idea what happened that night nine days ago.

"_It's not mine. It's Sybill's." _Sybill's? Sybill Trelawney's? I couldn't come up with someone more realistic then that? Who would have wanted to knock her up?

"_I see. Well then I'd better be off __telling her if she's pregnant or not. Good evening professor!"_

"_Wait!" _Great Quintessa. Shouting hysterically will surely convince him it doesn't belong to you.

"_Yes?"_

"_What was it you wanted to talk about?"_

He showed no sign of satisfaction only suspicion as he turned to glare at me as he was standing in the doorway. His black figure was partly hidden in the shadow. It was actually kind of creepy.

"_As we both kno__w, certain things happened Monday last week. Things I did not plan."_

"_Neither of us planned thank you very much."_

Don't you stare at me like that Severus Snape! _"As I tried to tell you several times that night, the punch had been poisoned."_

"_Oh don't be silly. If it had been poisoned we'd both been dead by now, but we aren't are we? And don't you blame this on me. I can not recall forcing you to drink."_

"_Potions are not always deadly, professor Sinistra." _He's calling me professor Sinistra again, not Quintessa. HA! Wait, is that a positive thing?

"_Get to the point will you?"_

"_The reason why I wanted to talk to you about it, professor, is because I can not remember myself, which I find abnormally irritating."_HA! He can't remember either! Wait, then how will we find out? Oh yes, that's right, the last test said it could only show two spots if there had been sexual intercourse. But he doesn't know that!

"_Well then I won't be much help to you since I can't recall either. The last thing I remember before the morning after was stumbling around in the corridors, feeling like a sponge dipped in alcohol, with my arms around… With my arms nearby you while singing old__ muggle songs."_

Surprisingly it didn't seem to surprise him.

"_You see; t__hat is the last thing I can remember beside your horrible awful singing voice."_

"_I beg your pardon? My voice? Have you heard your own lately?"_

"_Professor Sinistra, I am not interested in discussing who is the best singe. What do you remember of the next morning?" _Bastard!

"_I woke up in.. In my own bed. Why do you ask?"_

"_No reason."_

"_I see. Now would you mind telling me the results of the test so I can tell Sybill?"_

"_There were two dots whatever that means." _TWO? Did he say two?

"_Two? Like in one more then one. One plus one equals two? Like in twice as much as one?"_

"_Yes, professor Sinistra, two. T-W-O. Would you like me to write it for you so your pitiful mind can understand the simple mathematic problem?"_

You can imagine my reaction. I stood starring at him with my jaw hanging on the level with my knees, my large brown eyes wide open and with a disturbed face expression. Do you understand what this means? I'm pregnant! I really am. 100 sure. I'm baring Severus Snape's child inside of me. Severus Snape Junior. Oh my god, I might have to marry him. I don't want to marry Severus Snape. I don't want to become Mrs. Snape. Mrs. Quintessa Snape. It sounds horrible. This is not what I had planned. I was going to find a tall blonde haired man with a muscular body, bright blue eyes and a huge charming smile with white bright teeth. I don't want to end up with a skinny, yet tall man with greasy black hair, a huge crocked nose who has absolutely no sense of humor. Where's the charm in that? Oh, just kill me…

I see no point in finishing mine and Severus' conversation. I didn't react on his cruel comment at the time, I was too occupied with the news I had just received. He left a few moments later, just as silent as he had appeared.

I hope you're happy now! I'm pregnant. I can't get over it. I think I never will. I see myself lying in the hospital with Severus by my side, trying to push out the little one, still not used to the though of having his baby. I think I'm going to cry. No, I'm going to the kitchen to steal an ice-cream box and some chocolate sauce, and I'm going to eat it all up when I get back! Good plan, Quintessa. Well, I'm off then. Hopefully I won't meet Severus on my way down…


	6. The list of possible replacements

**December 21****st**

_The replacement_

_Thurs__day:_

Mmmm… Chocolate ice cream soaked in chocolate sauce with pieces of chocolate on top and cream. At last a highlight in my pitiful life. Nothing can top the sweet taste of chocolate when you're depressed! Because I am, and you would be too if you were baring Severus' child, so you can't blame me! Did you know people actually try to get pregnant for months without success? But not me, oh no, all I needed was one night, one time with one man. Which means my eggs are good. No weaklings here, no sir! But whether or not it's a good thing I haven't decided yet. I wish my eggs weren't so perfect, just that once, but there's really not that much I can do about it, beside from keeping my legs closed that is.

I still haven't told Severus. I'm beginning to wonder if I ever will. Maybe I'll just give birth to the baby and claim someone else for being the father! All I need to do is to find someone to sleep with so that the possibility for him to be the baby's father is open. And I will have to do it soon. But who will be the lucky guy?

I wouldn't dream of nearing Hagrid although I'm convinced he's pretty well equipped. Which again is the reason why Filius is out of the picture because his lack of equipment. Dumbledore is too old, and the thought of him naked just doesn't appeal to me. What about someone who has been the Defense Against Dark Arts teacher? Let's see… I came to Hogwarts a long time ago, I can't really remember them all. What about the last years? Last year it was Umbridge, who's a woman, and I'm not into woman to woman relationships. Besides, convincing everyone she's the father of my child would be pretty hard I imagine. Before her it was Moody. I'd rather take my chances with Snape, thank you very much! Before him there was Lupin. Now there's a handsome fellow. I'll note him down just in case. And the year before him there was Lockheart. Without a doubt my first choice if he wasn't locked up at St. Mungo's. And the year before that there was Quirrell. Well, rather him then Moody! But not quite qualified for my list. Bad looks, irritating stuttering and used to carry the face of he-who-must-not-be-named in the back of his head. Oh I give up. Remus Lupin is the best name; the only name on my list and he's a werewolf!

**Decembe****r 23****rd**

_Severus the bloody?_

_Saturday_

OH MY GOD! HOW COULD I FORGET? It's December 23rd already, which means it's only two more days to Christmas morning! You know what that means don't you? Presents! And I haven't bought a single one. I'm screwed!

When I think about it, it's not the only thing I've forgotten! I forgot to tell you how the play was a few days ago. The snowflake formal. Macbeth! We preformed in front of the students. It was better then expected, really, it was. I think Severus took everyone a little off guard as he acted. Nobody expected him to be so… so… brilliant. He's an excellent actor, I'll give him that, but he's still a bastard. Come to think about it, I think Severus might be a vampire. It would explain the elegancy, the dark dressing and the pale skin. Not to mention the skinny body, there are not too many students for him to feed on and he hardly eats anything during meals. Well, there is many to feed on, but Albus wouldn't allow it. Severus would lose his job, and everything else.

What if Severus really is a vampire? How sick would it be for me to give birth to a vampire's baby. OH MY GOD, the baby itself will in that case be a vampire. Why me? Why does everything always happen to me?

**December 24****th**

_None_

_Sunday_

The more I think about it, the more idiotic it sounds. Severus; a vampire? I have seen him outside in daylight, and vampires can't go out in daylight. I'm just a little nervous. Slightly hysterical. I'm pregnant okay? I'm allowed to be a little crazy. A little loco! I'm slightly overreacting. It's just because I'm overprotective for my child! It's a completely natural reaction! It says here in the new book I bought yesterday. It's about being pregnant if you haven't already guessed, and about having a child for the first time. Perfect for someone like me. I might know a thing or two about children, but I've never had one on my own before. And it's a completely different thing to have your neighbor's children over and raising one on your own.

Anyway, there's been so much going on and I've completely forgotten to do my Christmas shopping. Christmas morning is tomorrow!! I'm heading to Diagon Alley right now.

Um… Right after I've put on some clothes.

**December 24****th**

_Christmas presents_

_Sunday_

I'm exhausted! All that shopping in one day. I happened to meet Celestine and Severus on my way to Diagon Alley. They were, as always, walking arm in arm like an old married couple, talking about the effects love potions has on youngsters. A very inappropriate subject if I may say so. Anyways, Celestine asked where I was heading. Don't worry, when I told her she didn't insist on joining me. No, no, no, instead she merely noted she has already bough her presents. Even one for me. Which of course forces me to buy one for her. It bothers me to spend money on that twit, but if I must! It wasn't much! I bought her a small statue of a hippopotamus. I don't know why I chose exactly that statue, but it kind of reminded me of Celestine. Hahahahaha! Celestine reminds me of a hippo! Hah, I can sleep well tonight.

And I bought something for Severus of course. He's the father of my unborn child after all. It's a book about Norse Mythology. I know how much he loves those books of his, and I can't recall him having anything about Norse mythology. It's a very interesting mythology about what the Vikings from the north used to believe in. Like Greek mythology, Norse Mythology has gods who represent certain subjects. Like Freya. She's the God of fertility, which if the Norse version of Aphrodite who's the God of love and passion. You see, I'm a huge fan of mythology myself, and Norse if defiantly my favorite mythology out of the ones I've read about. And my favorite character is a figure called Loki.

Loki was as much a friend of the gods as an enemy. Although he wasn't a god, he did lived amongst them. Someone claims he was the god of chaos, but no one knows for sure. He was beautiful and well-spoken, but also sly and cunning. He has been said to be the origin of lies and all falseness. So, if you ignore the beautiful part; who does Loki remind you of?

Exactly! Our very own Severus Snape! Not really a god, but walks among them! Snape isn't a god, but he surely acts as he is! And he is well-spoke, sly and cunning, and it wouldn't surprise me if he was indeed the origin of lies and all falseness. Well, actually his knowledge is indeed beyond my own, so I'm not really sure if the things he says are lies or not, but it wouldn't surprise me if they were! Bastard!

I also bought something for Albus, Hagrid, Filius and Minerva of course. Oh yeah, and Victoria. But I'd rather not talk about that horrid woman at the moment thank you very much.

**December 25****th**

_Christmas morning_

_Monday_

That's it, she has got to go! Celestine Norctem has got to go! I don't care if the year is over or not, she does not belong here! She thinks she can just walk right in here and think she can steal everything that belongs to me? I have been too busy thinking about the baby to even notice that Victoria has replaced me with a new best friend. Need I say who? That little…. Little…. Well, something really, really mean! First she steals my attention! I used to be the best looking teacher you know (If you don't count Victoria of course, that wench)! Then she steals Severus' attention with her wits and good looks. And she makes everyone like her, and now she steals Victoria? It wouldn't surprise me if she was the one who stole the house elf that used to clean my room and replaced if with that perverted I had who sniffed my underwear! She has crossed the line, and she needs to go. Now!

I bet you don't really know why I'm having this breakdown. But I'll tell you. You see, it's kind of a tradition for the teachers to do it together in the staff room as we open our presents. That way everyone can see what each and every person gets. Severus is against the tradition of course, but what can you except for a person who receives no more then five presents every year?

Anyway, so there we were, in the staff room. I had seated myself next to Minerva to get away from Celestine who, _accidentally,_ had seated herself between Severus and Victoria. Albus said a few lovely words as he always does, before picking up the first present. He's like a small child you know, Albus. He's always the one who hands out the presents, and he always looks forwards to it. Actually he's more like Santa clause just thinner and less creepy.

(I know; Sinistra is scared of Santa Clause. Ha ha ha. Trust me, there is no need to remind me, I was teased enough during school for a whole lifetime!)

So Albus began handing out presents, one at a time. One for Minerva, one for Hagrid, one for himself… Then there was one for Severus. Mine. Severus didn't smile nor give any sign of thankfulness as he received the present. He merely laid it aside, unopened. Typical him! Then there was one for Victoria from Celestine. They sat there smiling and playing all innocent and all as she opened the present. And guess what she got? A beautiful silver necklace with a green emerald in the middle, decorated with two dragons. A piece of art. Unworthy of the new owner. Then it was a present for me. From Victoria. I opened it, only to find a box of chocolates. Does she want me to gain weight? That little brat! I merely smiled weakly before laying it aside. Severus got another one, this time from Celestine. Still laying them aside. Then there was one for Celestine. From me. Ha! Now she'll see the hippopotamus and she's have a total breakdown because she knows she reminds me of one! Mohahaha… I'm just too evil sometimes.

I know what you're thinking! She didn't have a breakdown. She didn't even cry. She was actually happy with the gift! And you know what? I'm so sick of being wrong and you being right! How was I supposed to know her favorite animal was hippos? So, she loved it of course. Nearly crushing me as she hugged me as thanks for the gift. Incredible how much muscle she has hidden underneath that tiny little Barbie-doll body of hers. Those long model legs, those slim arms and feminine curves. It's just not fair!

So next it was my turn again. From Severus. At this point Severus paid more attention to the wall then to what was going on. Totally ignoring me, as usual. And as every year before, I received a small lid of potion. You see, Severus doesn't buy presents, he makes. Slightly romantic isn't it? The liquid I received was purple, and I recognized Severus' handwriting on a small white note placed on the bottle. _A_ _day full of luck, for one who needs it_. How charming.

"_Thank you, Severus."_

"_Sneer"_

It's true though, I could need a day full of luck. So I guess I appreciate the gift I received. But it's nothing compared to what was about to happen next. The next present was also from Severus, but this one for Celestine.

She took time to open it, tormenting me slowly. Probably on purpose. And as the wrapped paper hit the floor I could finally see what she had gotten. A bottle of liquid, just like the rest of us. But the liquid was burning red, like her hair. She turned it around, looking at the note before smiling widely. The sound of voices in the background died out as the sound of her voice rose.

"_One single drop will give warm you body, even on the coldest winter night"_

How could he? That bastard! He gives me a day with luck and her warmth whenever she needs it? Practically a lifetime with warmth. And all I get in one freaking lucky day? Why didn't he just say he loved her instead? Hello! Lady with a baby here! I need some attention, and I NEED IT NOW! NOT TOMORROW, NOT IN AN HOUR, NOW FOR GODS SAKE! I'm… I… I need a drink! No, I can't drink! Think about the baby! I need… I need… Umm… Chocolate! Yeah, that's what I need! Chocolate. The answer to every woman's depression. We get depressed and therefore need ice chocolate, and after eating a whole box we get depressed for putting on the weight. It's an evil circle, but at least I'm happy for an half an hour, the time between getting my hands on the box of chocolates before eating it all up. In this case it will only take me ten minutes.

**December 27****th**

_The real Celestine_

_Wednesday_

I'm telling him. I'm telling Severus about Aaron. Or Logan, I haven't decided yet. Or if it's a girl I'm naming her either Charity or Melody. Sounds so elegant don't it? And cute at the same time! Perfect for a child of mine. Back to the point! It's time I tell him, and tell him to stop flirting with that… That… Woman… Thing. Arrgh… To think the father of my child is dumping me for a creature such as Norctem. I always thought nymphs never had any effects on Severus. Clearly I was wrong. If there is someone to blame it's Celestine, that horrid woman! Poor Severus, under her spell. He wants me, I know. Underneath that spell is the Severus who wants me and not some wonder woman from hell. It wouldn't surprise me if she was one of _his_ minions! Wench.

**December 28****th**

_No more secrets_

_Thursday_

I did it. I told him. I actually told him. OHG! I need some sleep… I'm… Everything is so blurry… I can't see, I… I… What is going on, I'm so tired, I… Oh… Help me…


	7. Not quite Shakespeare

I just wanted to thank you all for reviewing my story. Thank you so much for giving me the push I needed to continue my story, because a few days ago I began to write the 7th chapter of Dear Diary.

As for questions; her name is Quintessa Sinistra. I know I have written Auriga some places, simply because in the story that gave me this idea, Sinistra was named Auriga. The name Quintessa however I decided to use because a friend who I role-played with called herself that. Quintessa Sinistra. And I, of course, played Severus Snape. She was the one who inspired me the most to begin a fan fiction concerning Severus Snape and Professor Sinistra. I owe it all to her actually.

I probably update all the chapters, fixing mistakes such as her name (Auriga/Quintessa) and other grammar mistakes. But it will have to wait until I have given you the newest chapter of Quintessa's private diary.

If there are any questions you may post them in a review or send me a mail at; Keep reviewing! I love flattery, but also would like to hear about the things that could be better!

Again, thank you all… I hope you all enjoy the latest chapter in our very own Quintessa Sinistra's life...

(I'd love if you'd take a few minutes to review! Thanks :))

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**December 29th**

_It takes two_

_Friday:_

I woke up with morning at the Hospital wing with Madam Pomfrey, Dumbledore, Minerva, Victoria and Celestine hanging over me. Celestine was acting all concerned and dramaqueen-like as always. When will that horrid woman ever leave me alone? What does a girl got to do to get some peace around here? Oh, who am I kidding, I love attention! I have to admit I was disappointed to see that Severus was nowhere to be found! He of all people should take good care of me now that his little offspring is growing inside of me! On second thoughts I wasn't surprised to see he was missing after the way he responded to the news I gave him yesterday! God, you should have seen him. I've honestly never seen him like that. So confused, yet so furious like it was my fault or something! Oh yes, he was blaming me for it. For everything! That bastard! Someone should tell him it takes two to make a baby! You would think someone of Severus' mind capacity would know, huh? Anyways, I would have thought someone of his manners and wits would be there when the becoming mother of his child woke up after a rather dramatic episode like the one I have just experienced. Even a man of lower standards would have worried enough to stay to find out whether I was okay or not! I certainly would have expected as much from Severus. I have to admit I'm rather disappointed, but strangely grateful somehow. Waking up to the twisted furious face of that overgrown bat might have made me loose conscience again. Honestly the thought of facing Severus scares the living shit out of me. Sorry for my choice of words, but I'm about to give birth to a baby so technically I'm excused. Laws of nature…

Albus and the rest only stayed for a few minutes to make sure I was alright and let me know they were all concerned about me and eager to have me back at Hogwarts. And he was also the first to congratulate me after pushing the rest of the visitors out the door. He had known for some time now, but insured me he hadn't told anyone else as he considered it the parents' privilege to do so. I couldn't thank him enough for not telling anyone and for getting rid of the crowd in my room. How he knew is still a mystery to me, but I have learned over the years that very little go by without Albus finding out about it. Maybe the pregnancy test ended up in his office when Severus made it disappear. I don't know. Most things about Albus will always be a mystery to all of us.

But now for the more juicier stuff. I know you've been dying to hear about Severus reaction to the news I delivered to him last night. Well, dying would perhaps be the wrong thing to say seeing as you are only a notebook and therefore made of materials and isn't a living creature, so naturally you can't die. The right thing to say would perhaps be… Oh, never mind!

(Severus sat in his office doing some paperwork as I entered, knocking softly on the door three times before speaking.)

"_Severus, may I have a word with you?"_

"_What do you want, Sinistra?"_ (Already annoyed and I haven't even stepped over the doorstep. How rude!)

"_Nothing! There's something I just thought you ought to know."_

"_Sinistra, I highly doubt anything you have to say is of interest of me. I want no part your miserable life."_ (You should have thought about that before you dragged me into your bed and filled me up with all your mini-me's, shouldn't you? HA!)

"_I might not have told the whole truth the day in the astronomy tower when you found that pregnancy test. You see, it's not really Sybil's."_

"_Is it not?"_ (Don't be fooled, Severus wasn't really surprised. It was his usual sarcastic tone and he acted slightly overdramatic like I was dumb enough to actually believe he had believed my lies. I, of course, chose to ignore it.)

"_No, it's mine."_

"_I know, Sinistra Any fool can tell by the way you handled the situation; it was practically written all over your face. And what idiot in his right state of mind who go knocking up a loony like Professor Trelawney? You honestly couldn't find a better suited candidate?"_ (Okay, so maybe it was a dumb choice, but it was the first name that popped into my mind.)

"_Not at the moment, no! I was in a very stressful situation."_

"_Too much for that pathetic little mind of yours?"_

Frown!

"_Besides, I could tell just by looking at you."_

"_What do you mean? Do I glow with happiness or something?"_ (Which (had it been the correct answer) I wouldn't have understood how it could be, because at the moment all I feel is confused, stressed, nervous and unnaturally hungry for sweets.)

"_No, you've gained weight."_

Frown! (That bloodsucking bat! Haven't he ever heard about manners? Telling a pregnant lady she looks fat is like asking your mother-in-law for sex-advice. You just don't go there!)

"_Why thank you Severus for taking notice_." (Although right now I'd rather have my wand driven right up your CENSURED!)

"_Sneer."_

"_Anyway, I might not have been completely honest about some other things as well."_ (Severus finally lifted his glare from the pile of paperwork and fixed his blackened eyes upon my face. It as now or never!)

"_I may have said I woke up in my own chambers after the Snowflake formal. But you know, I had a terrible hang-over and…"_ (But before I could start making up excuses Severus cut me off. He probably knows me well enough to see where I was going.)

"_And why are you confiding your dirty little secrets to me? Couldn't you find someone who might actually care?"_

"_Well, the thing is… Eh... I… Well, I kind of woke up in your chambers. In your bed. Next to… Well, next to you actually. Funny, isn't it? Heh…"_ (There, I've said it. I've told him we woke up in bed together to following morning after getting extremely drunk. Only…) _"Naked."_ (I added the last word more like a whisper, glaring down at the floor, too afraid to look directly as Severus. There was a long awkward silence and I finally brought myself to lift my gaze to him again there he sat with his two black eyes, examining me. I had no idea what was going through his mind, but I was pretty sure he was trying to think out the best way to kill me without being blamed for the murder. Gently, I tried breaking the silence.)

"_Severus, it's your baby!"_

The next thing I know he's screaming at me, telling me to get my gigantic arse out of his office before he started yelling in something that sounded like Latin while weaving his wand so that veils and jars placed on different shelves on his walls started smashing into pieces like some maniac. You can't imagine how shocked I was. I had never seen Severus so furious and out of control. So, naturally, I ran for it. I ran all the way back to my chambers and not before I had calmed down slightly and started writing; it blackened. And when I woke up again I was here at St. Mungo's.

Oh, and if you're wondering; Albus brought you to me. I mean; he brought my diary with him when he came. I'm sure he knows how fond I am of it. I mean you. How fond I am of you! Oh, why do I even bother?

**December 30th**

_The family man_

_Saturday:_

One whole Snape-less day, that was all I got! Just one day! You can image the shock I had this morning as I woke up, stretching and yawning, with my behind sticking out from underneath the #DYNE#, my pink bunny slippers nicely placed beside the lavender color covered bed and brown fuzzy hair everywhere, much like what it looks like after I've had… Anyway… So there I sat, without my glasses on so everything was blurry, my gown barely still attached to my body, showing a bit more than I would allowed if I knew there was someone in my room. I came across a black shadow at the end of my bed after a few seconds to clear my head. After traumatic experiences ever since seeing the muggle movie "Alien" as a child I began to scream at the top of my lungs. The black creature was startled and so I kicked it as hard as my barely woken legs could manage. It fell backwards off the bed, soaring through the air with what looked like two huge tentacles weaving around, before hitting the floor with a large bang! I reached for my wand lying on the table next to me, but the alien seemed to have hit the floor so hard the table shook and the wand had fallen off it. My hand found my glasses instead which now lay by the edge of the small bed table and I hurried to put them on before the alien had gotten to its feet and lunched an attack. When I could see clearly again and discovered (what I'm sure you've known all along) that it was in fact not an alien that now stood before me, but a rather pissed off Severus Snape. Just my luck isn't it? Finally he'd brought his skinny ass to come see me and I kicked him off the bed!

I gave a weak smile, hoping he wouldn't start Latin-yelling at me again. But it seemed like Severus had finally decided to act like a gentleman. He removed the locks of hair hanging before his face, took a deep breath, muttered something to himself under his breath while straightening his clothes before he lifted his head again and starred directly at me. His black eyes looked like two small holes into his skull, which was actually rather terrifying.

"_I'm so sorry Severus, I though you were an alien…"_

"_Save your breath, Sinistra. I'm not here to listen to your excuses. But if you push me off the bed or anything else for that matter like that again, there will be consequences. Is that understood?"_

(What else could I do than agree and nod?)

"_Good. Now for the reason I am here…"_

"_Yes, I have been wondering about that part. I didn't expect…"_ (I fell silent as his twisted face glared at me with a clearly annoyed expression.)

"_As I was saying…"_ (He cleared his throat, obviously annoyed I cut him off as he walked around slowly and controllably in the room with both hands behind his back_.) "I have learned over the last few years I cannot trust you. So, naturally, when you came to my office the other day I was not surprised to find you had lied to me."_

"_Yes, I'm sorry abo…"_

"_I wonder; do you suffer from a short-term-memory loss?"_

"_No, I…"_

"_I didn't think so, so if you would let me finish?"_

Silence.

"_Now where was I? Oh yes. I was not surprised to find out you had told lies, but that you could excuse your lies with trying to make me believe you had been fertilized and that supposedly I was the one who had been giving the honor… Even I would not have though you would sick low enough to lie about such a serious matter. To use a great weakness of mine for your own winning… You can understand my fury, can you not? You know very well I can hardly recall anything from that night the Snowflake Formal took place, and to use such an advantage with such a great lie to cover up a few small one, it had never occurred to me that a woman with your glass and wits would go that far!"_

(I wanted to say something, but Severus held up his right hand to silence me.)

"_I did not believe you, Sinistra, but I did believe this."_ (He held you up there he stood, after having hid you behind his back. You! My diary!)

"_YOU READ MY DIARY?!?"_

"_I had to make sure you were telling the truth. And I know you comfy you secrets to this."_ (He shook the notebook softly, watching me calmly.)

"_GIVE IT BACK!"_

"_All in good time. First, I have some questions I want answered."_

"_WHAT?"_ (I crossed my arms, sitting up straight in my bed with a rather childish angry behavior.)

"_Are you a 100 sure you are carrying a child?"_

"_Yes!"_

"_And are you a 100 sure that I am the father of this child?"_

"_Yes!" _(Did he actually believe I hadn't made absolutely sure I was pregnant before consulting him?)

"_There are no other possible fathers?" _(I wish…)

"_No, I'm sure! I don't sleep around with every man I can get my hands on! Before you I hadn't been sexually active in 5 years so it couldn't have…"_ (OH MY GOD, did I just say that out loud?)

"_Do keep such information to yourself; I have no interest in your sexual life". _(Yeah, right…)_ "What are you planning to do with this child?"_

"_Keep it!"_

"_Keep it?"_

"_Of course, it's my baby, and I'm planning of having it! I thought I never was gonna have a baby! I'm not a woman of my best age, you know. My PMS isn't what it used to be back in the 80-ties! And what are you planning to do?"_

"_What do you mean?"_

"_It's your baby too!"_

"_I never asked for you to get pregnant! I cannot remember asking you take off your clothes and get into bed with me either!" _(No, but you didn't have to ask! Your body language said it all! You wanted me too, admit it!)

"_Well, apparently you don't remember much from that night."_

"_And apparently it seems I did not have to ask! According to this.." _(Again shaking the diary still clutched between his thin boney fingers.)_ "…you have been having some feeling for me for quite some time now!"_

"_So what?!? Sue me!"_

"_Quintessa, please, I am not trying to start an argument with you. I am just trying to figure out what to do with the situation."_ (Quintessa? Did he just call me by my first name?)

"_Well, I'm keeping it! So handle it!"_

"_If that is your decision."_

"_It is!"_

"_Shall we set a date then?"_

"_A date? For what?"_

"_The wedding of course!" _(THE WHAT?!?)

"_WEDDING?!?"_


End file.
